Our 13-year old started acting like a 13-year old this week. We pulled him out of it and things are back to normal now, but there has been some major league drama in the house for the past five days. I'm just starting to return to my normal self again, but the white streaks in my hair got a little whiter.
As this drama was unfolding, I had lots of chats with other parents and heard lots of venting about teenage culture. Parenting takes on a whole new dimension when the kids hit these years. It's enough to make one look fondly on the potty training years. When the kids become teenagers, parenting is mostly about fear.
Last night, I talked with my coffee klatch at the Y, as we watched our little guys swim. They all had older teenage kids and were terrified that their kids were going to get into drugs and alcohol. One mom told us about a party where a bunch of sixth graders were caught drinking. The parents had gone away and left a college kid in charge. The college kids had a party and let the younger kids dip into the booze supply. The cops came, and everyone got into big trouble.
Another mom said that she was going to lock up her liquor cabinet, because she didn't trust her kid and his friends. She was worried about sending her son to other houses where the parents weren't around enough.
One woman said that she purposedly kept her daughter into a million clubs and activities, so she didn't have time to get into trouble.
Parents are also afraid that their kids were watching porn on YouTube. They worry that kids had more access to crap than in the past, because of the Internet.
They worry that their kids are being passively bullied by the mean girls in school. The schools hold millions of anti-bullying assemblies, but they never address the more subtle forms of meanness, such simply being ignored.
Are these fears irrational? Studies do show that usage of drugs and binge drinking is down from the past, but there is no question that kids are still getting into trouble.
My 13-year olds problems are so minor in comparison. Just the problem of fitting into a new school and typical insecurity issues. What happens when the bigger problems come down the pike?