Yesterday's discussion about gender equity and childcare spun off into an interesting discussion both here and Crooked Timber. I thought I would sum up the arguments and start a new thread on this topic.
We here at 11D are firmly committed to the notion that childcare should be, in an ideal world, a 50/50 proposition. Men and women should equally split the responsibilities for the kids, because it is good for both parents, good for the kids, and the only way that women will have the time and the energy to compete in the professional arena.
What does the choice to breastfeed do towards achieving that goal?
Siobhan pointed us to an article in Atlantic Monthly by Hanna Rosin that points out that the research that supports the notion that breastfeeding makes kids smarter and healthier is highly flawed. The benefits are marginal, and it is difficult to tease out the data from socio-economic variables and other factors. She questions the huge advantages of breast feeding the babies.
And when I look around my daughter’s second-grade class, I can’t seem to pick out the unfortunate ones: “Oh, poor little Sophie, whose mother couldn’t breast-feed. What dim eyes she has. What a sickly pallor. And already sprouting acne!”
All that work for a questionable pay-off results in a huge cost to women. Rosen writes, "This is why, when people say that breast-feeding is “free,” I want to hit them with a two-by-four. It’s only free if a woman’s time is worth nothing."
Breast feeding has a huge impact on gender equity. Even if you make deals, like he deals with the output, while she deals with the input, things are still off. Every time that baby cries, people declare "he wants the boob" and that kid is in your lap. Breastfeeding is time consuming, painful, and dads lose out on the bonding process.
I would be hesitant to completely disregard the benefits of breastfeeding. When it comes to your kids, I think it is best to hedge your bets. But why can't there be a middle ground? Why do we have to go to extremes in these matters?
Sometimes breast feeding is easier. Sometimes bottle feeding is easier. It is possible to do both. That nipple confusion stuff is bullshit. When our kids were born, they were primarily breast fed except for the 3:00am feeding. Steve administered that feeding with formula. He got to bond and I got to sleep. Pumping is a Middle Age torture device, and after one tearful attempt, I refused to do it. Then we gradually increased formula until month six or seven when we went entirely to formula.
Those first few years are overwhelming. We're thrown into a world of guilt and extremism. The books present a one-dimensional uber-mom that we're all supposed to aspire to, and they fail to prepare us for the realities of combining childcare with other goals like work and shared parenting. And as Harry and others say, they don't prepare us for the realities of C-sections and kids who won't breastfeed and sickly babies.
On the other hand, there's the equally ridiculous backlash literature, which states that kids are resilient and actively encourages us to neglect our kids to pursue our own goals.
There needs to be a middle ground, people. We need to do the right things for our kids, while dividing up the labor correctly and having a life outside the home. One good thing about getting past the baby stage is that you stop reading those books. There are still many pressures that wreck havoc with achieving a good balance, but thankfully the breast police have checked out.
UPDATE: Profgrrrrl shares the really lovely part about breastfeeding. When it works out well, breast feeding is cozy and warm. And check out Wendy's excellent post. She thinks that women are encouraged to stop breastfeeding too quickly; she defends attachment parenting. Mamalooper thinks that the breast is best.
UPDATE 2: Here's Rosin on the Today Show.
UPDATE 3: Tim Burke writes, "What I really want is for us to get to a place where modest incremental
benefits can be argued for using modest incremental rhetoric, where
experts don’t feel the need for overcompensatory alarmism or feel they
have to circle the wagons in order to get attention or bludgeon an
uncooperative public into change."