Apt. 11D

Final Post

I'm taking off for a week.  We're driving down to North Carolina tomorrow morning. Just made reservations at a little motel at Chincoteague, Va, which should be our midway point. I'm hoping to see some wild ponies and just chill out. Well, I'll chill out as much as I can while on vacation with relatives and a sensory disfunctional child.  I'm on my second martini.  I expect that this buzz will continue for the next eight days. 

I have some drafts of blog posts on the sidelines, but nothing worthy of hitting the publish button yet.  It might just be better to wait until I come back with a fresh mind and a kinder disposition.

I've packed some political science journals to read as the kids watch their DVDs in the backseats, as well as some more fun books.  I'll grab a girlie fashion mag on the way out of town.   

While I'm gone, please read through some old archives.  If you're adventurous, look through old Apt.11D.  Tell me if you find anything good.  I'm never quite sure what I'm doing right (or wrong) here, so I always appreciate the input.  There's also some fabuloso blogs on my sidebar.  Tell me which ones you like best. 

Cheers, Laura.

Spreadin' Love

That's one day's list of chores. Sort of explains why I've been a crappy blogger this week. OK, here's some links to start off the evening:

I finally inserted the pictures from our train trip last weekend, which I hope will silence any rudeness from the peanut gallery. :)

Russell's back to blogging and to academia!! I'm overjoyed that Russell has found a great new job, one that promises to be a place that he can plant himself and his family. I'm also tickled that he hasn't left the blogosphere. The leftie communitarian seat has been empty for a few months. Welcome back to the blogroll, Russell!

There have been a ton of articles on the netroots in the past couple of weeks. There is a huge Kosfest backlash going on. I want to write a post on it, but just in case I don't have time, let me give you all the links. This week's New Republic is entirely about blogging. (Buy it, Toni.) There's the print edition and online stuff. This link is from the Weekly Standard, but still interesting. Check out Andrew Sullivan. Also see Ezra and Kos himself. I'll post more when I can.

I don't really write much about abortion politics, because there are so many bloggers who know tons more than I do about it. But I thought I would mention the great New Yorker article on abortion politics in South Dakota. The article isn't on line, but there's an interview with the author.

Bitch, PhD writes that female bloggers tend to withhold their identities on line, because they have been conditioned to fear sexual harassment. There were a ton of comments, which I haven't waded into yet. When I started my old blog, Apt. 11D, I immediately disclosed my whole name. I deleted it after a while, because I read an article about a blogger who was stalked by adoring fans. It didn't help that my blog name was an actual location. I put my name back up right before I presented a paper about blogging at a conference, and the jig was up. Lots of people know where I live, but I really want to keep that information out of a google search. Not because I'm afraid of stalking, but because I don't want my neighbors reading this stuff. They already think I'm weird.

Fascinating on-line between between Linda Hirshman and the Family Scholars. Some links: here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Night Court

I just got back from spending six hours in traffic court. I spent so much time with the other scofflaws that I think we're now related. I'm going to have to invite them to our next family gathering. Mr. 29ParkingTickets and Mr. ConcealedWeapon will get a big plate of pasta from my mom.

One little fashion tip for blog readers who ever have the misfortune to go to traffic court. Don't wear jeans that are torn under the butt cheeks. Also don't wear low riders and tube tops that show off your butt crack tattoo. This goes double if the wearer is over 40. There was a surprising amount butt exposure in court tonight. I'm not sure if the judge looked too favorably on those cases.

Another word of advice. When a school bus is stopped in the opposite lane of traffic, come to a complete stop and don't proceed until that stop sign flap is firmly against the bus and all lights have stopped blinking. Even if that is your usual bus stop and you know all the kids getting on the bus and you watch them get in and you watch the bus doors shut and the bus driver smiles at you and waves. Especially don't proceed, if there's a police car hiding directly behind the stopped bus. Signed letters by witnesses stating that all children were in the bus don't help out that much.

However, later thanking the police officer for his vigilance in keeping our shiny town safe for chldren and having a spotless driving record does help out. It might even knock down a major penalty, five points and huge fines, to a careless driving ticket, which is only two points and a small fine.

I'm rather jangly from being juiced up on soda and Snicker bars from 7-11. I owe the blog one decent post and a response to some clever comments, but I'm done for tonight.

Update

Real life pressures are trumping blog activities this week. It's the last week of school, and I'm just trying to figure out who's getting off early and who needs a picnic lunch and who has a make up swimming lesson. There's also speech therapy and traffic court.

Weekend Journal

We drove into the parking lot of Strasburg railroad at around noon on Saturday. We joined the army of families with boys and some girls staring with awe as the favorite friend, Thomas, chugged into the station. The moms, all in capris and pastel T-shirts, talked knowledgeably about buffers and couplers with their kids. The kids came wearing Thomas T-shirts and caps and left with shopping bags of new merchandise that was available in huge tents. Each family spent about $100 worth of tickets for the half hour ride and surely spent another $100 on chicken fingers, Thomas shaped lollies, conductor whistles, Thomas stickers, Thomas bedspreads, Thomas books, Thomas sunglasses, and Thomas goggles.

Question of the Day -- Vacation

Where are you going on vacation this year? What makes for a good vacation? It is most certainly not this.

One Week Until Summer

As school bus drove down Broadway with its precious cargo, everybody sighed with relief. God, it's a pain to get them out of the house in time for school. One parent noted that there were only two more full days of school. We all paused, silently contemplated that information, and went home. Maybe I was the only one that smiled, because it's road trip time, baby!

This weekend we're going to Pennsylvania for a "Day Out With Thomas". The kids are going to ride a real Thomas train with hundreds of other five year old boys through scenic Strasburg, while clutching hundreds of dollars of new Thomas products in their sweaty little palms. There's sure to be long discussions about which train would be most likely to kick Diesel 10's ass. Sweet.

The kids are totally stoked. Jonah, who's seven now, hasn't told his friends about it at school, because they might laugh. But he's excited. After the train ride, there a huge train museum to keep him occupied.

The following weekend we're driving down to North Carolina and the outer banks. If I can keep Steve out of the "gotta make good time" mindset, the drive should be fun, too. I love exploring the little fishing villages along the coast of DelMarVa.

For the next few weeks, there's going to be a lot of eating pancakes in hotel beds like Roman lords.

Do We Trust Mothers?

So, Linda Hirshman is back in the news and in the blogs. Nobody pushes my buttons more than that woman, which may, of course, be a good thing. People like that can definitively get the creative juices going. Look what Horowitz has done for Berube.

I typed Hirshman into technorati last night to see what other bloggers had to say. The titles of blog posts ranged from "bite me" to "Will someone get this woman to shut up?" heh.

I'm not sure that I want to dissect all her ideas anymore. We've already gone over this territory many times before. Briefly, I think that her notion of fulfillment is too narrow. Like djw, I feel that she is pushing for an elitist feminism. I also have major problems with her methodology and vagueness of terms, which leads to much confusion. (Are we talking about middle class women, rich women, educated women?) I think she doesn't understand modern problems of work, the increasing pressures of parenthood (car seats, anyone?), and the decreasing amount of support for families.

I guess what still bothers me about Hirshman and these lingering discussions is the lack of respect for the rationality of women. The facts are that women aren't equally represented in positions of power in this country. This is a worrisome issue and deserves serious attention. A good number of women get off the fast track after they have kids. If women are dropping out of the elite workforce to care for their children, then they're doing it for a good reason. Either they are opting out because they face obstacles that prevent them from working or they are opting out because they want to.

Roadblocks that force mothers out of the workplace may be patriarchal expectations from society, the continuing disregard for their fate by thoughtless husbands, an unforgiving workplace, etc... My career didn't pay well enough to cover the costs of daycare in New York City for two kids. At that time, employment was an unthinkable luxury.

Women also may be dropping out because they choose the kids. The headline of Lisa Belkin's Opt-Out essay was "Q: Why Don't More Women Get to the Top? A: They Choose Not To" They stop working or take a part-time job in order to be home when the kids get off the school bus. They want to cook dinner for the kids, help them with their homework, leisurely chat with them about their day.

I don't think we should stigmatize women who choose their kids over their careers. They might not be doing their share towards fixing that elite ratio, but who cares? Their first responsibility is to themselves and their children. Making good kids is a worth while endeavor. No better or worse than helping really rich people get even richer in the stock market.

It's also silly to bow down before elite women (and men). Top lawyers and doctors and business leaders are there because they have unique skills, exceptional ambition, and the desire for material reward, not because they are self-sacrificing martyrs.

Hirshman and others seem to argue that to freely choose to mind children is irrational, an act of an insane person. Why else would you put yourself in a position of slave, a cleaner of diapers, a kisser of boo-boos? Especially when that labor can easily be farmed out to the less educated. The millions of women (and men) who do tend the tots full time or take a less ambitious job in order to put more effort into childcare are unworthy of mention. Their protests that they enjoy their work are to be scoffed at and questioned. They only think that their work is fulfilling, but they are too warped by the patriarchy to really understand things.

I'm not sure if obstacles or choice keep millions of women off the fast track and on the playground. Obstacles clearly must be removed. But if women are happily leaving the workplace, then deal with it. Maybe more men would choose this route, as well, if they had the opportunity.

We can either badger women to go back and take those elite jobs against their will or we can make parenthood more appreciated.

If we can trust women to make informed decisions about their reproductive rights, then I think we have to trust women to make rational decisions about marriage, children, and work.

Spreadin Love

I'm way too feebleminded to keep up with the comments sections at unfogged. But if you're able to keep track of weeks of past conversation and type 80 words a minute, dive in. LizardBreath has a different angle on Hirshman and the the study of childcare in Quebec.

Russell sends me a link to a short piece by Emily Yoffe, who writes about the attacks of the "childfree" and why she decided finally to become a breeder.

Supporting Families

The best thing I've read all week:

The big lesson from Quebec is that parents really do need more support, but they need the kind of support that allows them to choose what is best for their family. Mothers and fathers should get paid time off after a baby is born, and the money should come from a government insurance program, as it does in Canada, England and other countries. Companies need to be given incentives to create more part-time jobs that don't derail careers — and then find some up-and-coming men who want those jobs. High-quality preschool programs should be available for every low-income child and perhaps universally.

Yes, this would cost money, and not a little bit. Some taxes would have to be increased, and other spending would have to be cut. (My first candidate: raise the age for Social Security retirement eligibility. Two-year-olds need more help than 66-year-olds do. But that's a column for another day.)

The Times columnist comes to this conclusion after reading a persuasive new study on universal daycare in Quebec. The findings show that universal daycare negatively impacted children and families on average.

We've already talked quite a bit about daycare here and here. My take on it is that there is a huge difference between good and bad daycare. Hours spent in daycare is important. Good parenting after daycare hours can have a big impact. Differing needs of individual children have to be taken into account. (My youngest son with his special needs would have been destroyed in full time daycare.)

This Quebec study should be seen as an important political tool for getting more workplace flexibility and governmental support for families that need it. For families who want and need to care for their children themselves. It should not be used as a tool for discrediting daycare in general or for halting efforts to increase governmental support of daycare.

(Thanks again, Jeremy.)