Due to a gross miscalculation about the length of time it takes to complete a dissertation, my husband and I were both dissertating when our first son arrived.
I had one of those horror birth stories. Labor for 12 hours. Forceps. Emergency C-section. Oops with a scalpel and then another 6 hours in surgery repairing my bladder.
I slowly healed and quickly finished the dissertation in one year during the baby’s naps. My husband was also home working on his dissertation and would have finished in that year if he didn’t have an advisor from hell. Since there is no support for graduate students with families, the only way we were able to survive was through help from my folks and WIC.
When the money ran out, my husband quickly got a temp job that turned into a real job. A job with benefits and a salary that could pay off the student loans and support a family, unlike an academic job. With his history degree, he had little hope of securing a job anyway. And the chances of the two of us finding academic jobs in the same city were very slim. On the other hand, his traditional job is very demanding, and he has little flexibility. Now, I have 95% of the family responsibilities.
When I defended my dissertation, I got my first glimpse of my future. Right after a question on the merits of school vouchers, one of the men on my committee asked if I was planning on having more kids. I lied and said no. Correct answer. Next week, he let me know that there was a position opening at his school.
I went in for the interview. My presentation went well and then I met with the individual faculty members who vetted me. All were guys, except one. That woman didn’t ask me any questions, but just told me how bad this job was for her. All the classes were in the evening, so she never saw her child. Since she was a single mom, her illiterate nanny had to help the kid with her homework.
The job wasn’t right for me and I adjuncted for a year. The next year, I interviewed for another position. On the day of the interview, I was eight months pregnant and at that stage when the bellybutton pops out and you waddle, rather than walk. The interview started out fine. But as the day went on, I realized that by that fall I would have to teach three new classes and breast feed a two month old baby and worry about the three year old. The university did not have a childcare service, and would not let me have a lighter load that first semester. Childcare costs would outstrip my salary. The more I was told about the tenure requirements, I knew there was no way I could do it all.
It worked out for the best. I really enjoy raising my kids myself. I’ve still managed to adjunct and write here and there. I like making my own course in the world.
But my career has suffered a semi-fatal blow. The academy might never take back someone with major gaps on her resume. Makes me wonder why I bothered.