Last year, it became obvious that we needed to fix up the kitchen sooner than later. The stove was too small and out dated. The ceiling was sagging from a leaky tub upstairs. It was dark and ugly and cramped. So, we started squirreling away money and buying the kitchen magazines.
Now, if you want a kitchen that will be just fine for making waffles and burgers, you can get by with a $20,000 kitchen. Less if you reuse your old appliances and resurface the cabinets. You'll have to pay more for the serviceable kitchen if you need new everything, and you've got an old house with lots of hidden problems behind the walls.
You'll also pay more if you use a contractor who uses union-employed citizens, as opposed to undocumented laborers. A lot more, but that will be another post down the line.
The kitchen magazines want you to spend more. A lot more. They want you to spend $80,000 on that kitchen. And they have lots of tricks to make people go for a $6,000 refrigerator, rather than a $2,000 refrigerator. You can spend thousands on bathroom tile or $200 like we're paying. So, how do they do that?
Well, first they try to frame the kitchen rehab process as the next logical stage of life after your wedding. Women in formal-wear, even bride-like outfits, drape across granite counter tops. You get married, have kids, and put in a Viking range. You are a failed human being, if you don't dump a butt-load of money on a Venetian tile back splash.
The other method of squeezing more money out of homeowners is show more middle aged women in the picture with rounder waist lines and a laugh line or two. These women talk about accessorizing their kitchen. The message is that, "well, you are too fat to dress well yourself, so you might as well dress up your house."
Amy sent me a link to a cabinet manufacturer who did Desperate Housewives-like videos featuring their cabinets. (lost the link, Amy. Could you send it again?)
Check out this $4,500 toilet described as a space-saver on the "This Old House" website. For the sweet breeze of reality, check out the comment section. One commenter writes, "Think of all the multi-functional possibilities! - Toilet - Dining room table - Workstation - Guest bed, etc. The possibilities are endless! Kudos to Villeroy & Boch!"
Like Amy Winehouse, I'm saying no, no, no to insane kitchen rehab projects. I say no to Viking ranges and guilt trips. I say no to $4,000 toilets. I say no to warming drawers and refrigerators with built-in TVs.
